It’s fucking crazy how much things can change in a year. Without a doubt, I’ve grown and matured probably light years more than I have ever expected to. Quite frankly, it’s been interesting to realize that things just never go according to plan. In fact, as you grow you just have to mature and change, but I have resisted it over and over again for the past 6 years. By my junior year of high school, I was certain that this is just who I’m going to be for the rest of my life. These are my homies, this is the food I like, the type of music that I listen to, the clothes I wear and what I want to be when I grow up. 

HAAA! 6 years later I’m eons away from the person I expected to become. Things have definitely changed, my little life plan didn’t pan out to what I wanted to be. My passions and my outlook have been greatly modified to mold me into a better person. For that, I can’t be more grateful to the people that have shaped me -  the best family and friends who have supported me along the way, and all the fun people who just loved to put my life under a microscope.

It’s already April! Today marks my 2nd favorite day of the year, and begins my favorite month of the year. I can’t believe it’s 22 days til I turn 22. Amazing how quickly time flies.

I never thought four years later I’d run into the same problems I had when I was young & stupid. You’ve made me into a bitter old bitch and I honestly can’t help but be a huge pessimist about anybody that even resembles your type. You fucked me over, true, but I can’t be mad at that anymore. It’s been way too long, and that anger and resentment I’ve held onto for years is getting far too heavy of a burden. What I am mad about though is the fact that knowing you has pushed me away from anybody that even resembles “your” type and into the arms of the people that I know isn’t mine. I just want to take that leap of faith but since you weren’t there to catch me, I won’t trust anyone else to either. Times were definitely easier when I was young and stupid, still believing that Prince Charming would come. But now I have to realize that my glass carriage is really just a pumpkin, my ball gown is made out of rags and that those pretty little glass slippers don’t fit. Fuck you. 

Making a mistake I never learned from, I swear I always fall for your type.

Oddly I feel at peace with all the drastic decisions that have consumed my life. Sometimes I find it so hard to believe how much has changed in the past 8 months, 2011 has been interesting to say the least. I’m sure previously I would have bitched, whined, complained, maybe even thrown a tantrum or two to get my way. But I do know now that when one door closes, another opens, and due to that fact I can’t help but smile. Whether it be physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, whatever-the-fuck, I swear at this point I’ve been through it all, and surprisingly, I’m okay with that. I’ve come to terms with the roller coaster that is my life, I’ve accepted the craziness, the sadness, and the lowest of the lows. Because I’ve realized that in the end, it just makes the good times that much sweeter. Cheers to psychotic bitches, ridiculous summer school classes, crushed dreams and wannabe heartbreakers. Here’s to best friends, crazy summer nights, new dreams and the rare gentleman. But most of all, here’s to letting go, and letting God. So long New Yorker dreams, HELLO European paradise!

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.